Take a deep breath and trust

On Thursday – day five of no kitten sightings – I started to fear that they didn’t make it, that I was too late in collecting them and a coyote had beat me to it. Standing on the sidewalk and calling them while drizzle fogged up my glasses, I felt miserable. But on Friday morning, as I awoke, before the worry could grab me by the throat, I chose to lie there a while and meditate. Imagine the great joy in finding them there this morning, I told myself. And the greater joy in saving them from a pretty wretched life. Won’t that be freekin’ great? Take a deep breath… and trust.

When I arrived at the ravine, there was Mama Grace and her babies waiting for me. On the sidewalk. Calm as can be, their big eyes staring at me with a blank expression as if to say, what were so you worked up about, silly human?

I was elated. As I was yesterday when they were there for the second day in a row (a first). They actually came when I called! It was a tiny miracle – as subtle and beautiful as the ripples in Baby Blue’s fur.

It’s also clear to me that I have trouble trusting – not just my fellow humans but the universe. A few years ago when I was having pretty serious financial issues, my dear Simone told me to imagine myself falling backwards, eyes closed, into the waiting arms of the universe/ powers that be/ QuanYin (goddess of mercy). It was the beginning of a real turnaround for me, but there was never a tougher exercise. I’m the one that leaves every relationship. I’m the one who irritated my daughter her whole life by wanting things just so. I want to control how things go. I want to know what’s coming, what I can count on.

Good luck keeping to that standard in animal rescue. I learn more every day that I am not in control – that nature in both her cruel and beautiful forms dictates the path I’m on, as does my ability to tune in to her. It also doesn’t hurt to call for assistance from St. Francis. Here’s hoping he helps keep Baby Blue and Frankie – his namesake – coming around a few more days in a row, so I’m able to put out the trap, bring them in, make their lives beautiful. I trust that he will. I trust that it’ll be great. I trust.